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My apologies are offered to the unknown wit who first coined my title choice as a description of a helicopter in flight...It's been a while since I updated the ongoing changes made to my 2009 Dodge 3500, now dubbed the Beast of Burden...As I add or subtract items to my mobile project, I was reminded of the phrase and decided to usurp it in my title...At least the other description of a helicopter, the one which warns if it's not leaking hydraulic fluid it must have run dry, does not fit my Beast...After 175,000 miles there are still no visible leaks of any kind here...As to activities involving the Beast, other than being my daily driver, the most useful iteration of my purposely designed stakebed has been hauling my gun collection between home and various gun shows where I display...
Those interested in how it was all done can find the pictorial links here...
Now on to the latest changes and improvements...
Plus a real surprise at the end!...
Just to let the unsuspecting public know who they're following...My friend Bo, who is a master woodworker, fashioned the shadowbox-style surround in which I mounted the Beast's official nameplate...I had previously removed the sideboards, nosegate and tailgate, and coated them with Thompson's Clear Water Seal...When the new wood has sufficiently dried out, it will get the same treatment...Also visible here are the new mudflaps...Unfortunately the previously installed mudflaps only survived four years (has it really been that long?)...The new ones were bought in a plain pattern to which I added the chrome weights and BEAST lettering...I also extended the mounting brackets to make them road legal...
Needing a bright sunny pot to take the following pictures, I drove to the Conroe Outlet Mall where by pure chance (ahem) a custom car show was assembling...The show was put on by the Conroe Cruisers, a local car enthusiast's club which promotes two shows a year here to raise funds for its own operation and also for local charities...I didn't want to usurp the space without contributing something, so I paid the entry fee assuming I would not scare off other entrants with my Beastly appearance...They said I did not fit in any of their normal categories of car, truck, RV or motorcycle so they assigned me to the "Open" class...They asked me to park down at the end where I wouldn't be likely to scare away the real entrants...I heard one judge mutter, "That thing don't bite does it?"...
I had previously bought four 40MM surplus military ammo cans to better organize the accumulation of gear I chose to carry, trying to anticipate any future needs on the road...Two are bolted to the flatbed just forward of the nosegate...I had to remove the mounting screws, and reseal them with RTV after the first rain allowed water inside...They are now water-tight and dry inside...The left one contains cargo nets and tiedown straps...The right one has a toolbag with an assortment of wrenches and sockets which may become useful in a roadside emergency plus a deadblow mallet and a transmission funnel...
The other two ammo cans are inside the right hand Rawson/Koenig storage box and store various other towing and cargo accessories...Also seen is a plastic milkcrate which contains other tarps, tie downs, and wheel chocks which are impervious to weather conditions...A 4-way lug wrench and heavy jumper cables are also visible...The ongoing problem of rain entering the sideboxes has been somewhat alleviated by replacing the latches and resealing the doors, however some water still gets in in a heavy downpour...The ammo cans and a few drainholes in the box floors have reduced that to a moot point...
I reinstalled the raincaps on the exhaust stacks, and although the noise is very noticeable outside the truck, it's unnoticed inside...It's worth it to avoid the rainwater blowing out over the truck after startup following a downpour...
Since I do like being as visible as possible to the seemingly blind drivers on the road I installed extra reflectors on both sideboards, nosegate and tailgate...I just don't want to hear anyone say, "Honest officer, I didn't even see it before I hit it!"...
I still love my American Force aluminum wheels, but if I had to choose again, I would select the option to chrome plate them...Keeping them polished is an enduring chore...
Pictured at the top of the headache rack between the steel upright and the exhaust stack is one of the two rotating beacons I installed...As mentioned earlier, I like to be seen, especially in emergency situations after dark...One comedian has already suggested I should lease the Beast out to TxDOT...
As usual, the license plate reflects my choice of personal protection...The device seen just above the license plate is the forward-looking camera for the video monitor on the console in the cab...It can be a plus when parking nose in...
The headlights are already looking cloudy...I've seen this on every modern vehicle whether OEM or cheap Red Chinese knockoffs...I'm in the process of sanding and polishing them, but that only works on the exterior surfaces...
Turtle Black wax keeps the powder coating looking shiny and new...
The window tinting has held up well...
In a redneckish moment, I decided I had to have train horns...Nathan Air Chimes, even refurbished used ones, were ridiculously expensive, but Hornblasters had a solution...The ones they make are of a phenolic resin material...Their claim is for toughness and durability with a decibel reading only 4 decibels less than the Nathans at 146 db...I bought their Conductor's Special kit which included the four horns, all mounted unseen on the interior wall of the left sidebox...Also included was the 100% duty cycle 150PSI compressor, seen in the upper right corner of the box...The five gallon air tank came with all the fittings and hardlines needed plus an external air pressure gauge...If at some point I decide I need quicker recovery time for the pressure, I can add an additional compressor...Mounted on top of the tank is the air pressure regulator which activates the compressor automatically when pressure drops below 100 PSI, then stops at 150 PSI...Instead of the manual drain valve included in the package, I installed an electric solenoid controlled from the cab...I also plumbed it to inflate or deflate the AirLift air springs installed by the fine crew at Texan Hitch in Conroe...The installation of the bags is one of the few things I felt was better left to younger hands than mine...The rest of the installation was my own doing...The coiled hose seen above can be plugged into the tank with a quick disconnect to inflate tires, or run an air tool...Behind the hose is another ammo can containing extra hose, gauges, chucks and extra hose...I choose the military ammo cans because they are watertight...The fire extinguisher is securely mounted to the door of the sidebox for easy access if needed...All the air operated functions are controlled from inside the cab including adjusting the pressure in the air suspension...
I am still undecided on whether to install air ride seats...It's hard to justify the expense as little time as I spend driving...
I added a steel cable tether to the fuel tank cap to remind me of the unnecessary expense of buying a new cap when I forget to replace it after refueling...
Mad Max, my ride-along dolly, still reminds following drivers that the Beast has not had its horns clipped...
In addition to the aforementioned rotating beacons, a traffic advisor light bar can be seen on top of the headache rack...The large rectangular lights are reverse illumination on top, and cargo lights at bottom...Between them is the rear camera for the video monitor on the console...All these lights are controlled from inside the cab...The small decals seen in the lower corners of the rear window are likely meaningful only to USAF veterans - the drivers side reads "Phantom Phixer" which is what I did for a living after High School graduation, and the other is "Spooky" known as the good luck mascot to those who either flew or crewed the F-4 Phantom...In this case Spooky is guarding the six of whoever occupies the Beast's door gunner seat...
A slightly better view of Spooky behind the door gunner's seat...
In this view the cargo lights can be seen angled down toward the deck, while the reverse lights are aimed behind the truck...
This was completely unexpected as the Beast was awarded First Prize in the Open Class by the Conroe Cruisers judging panel...They even managed to overlook the rust showing through on the flatbed...
I'll admit that I left before any ballot recount that may have showed any voting irregularities...And no, Donald Trump was not one of the judges...
